


Moments

by mylifeissocoollike



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Maruaders, jily, just a bit of wolfstar which i regret but what're you gonna do, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-11 23:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10476564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeissocoollike/pseuds/mylifeissocoollike
Summary: For James Potter, every moment of his life mattered. And, without even realizing he had to, he cherished them all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> written for James Potter's birthday and dedicated to @emmelinevvance because she feeds my James addiction and I need to reciprocate somehow

James Potter’s early life was full of soft edges. His parents cherished him and barely let him go so he couldn’t really walk on his own until he was three. A day didn’t go by where he didn’t get his hair ruffled and his cheeks kissed. The first time he visits the Potters, Peter will notice the way James melts into his mother’s hands when she runs them through his hair and realize why James was always messing with it. The boy missed his mother. He was reminding himself of her comfort.

Right after he learned to walk, James learned how to fly a broom, and scraped both his elbows and knees in the process. When he got his first pair of glasses, it was only four days before he lost them. When he turned seven he had a chocolate birthday cake with strawberries on top. At ten years old, his parents bought him a cat so he and it would “already be well acquainted when they go to Hogwarts together.” He named the cat Lennon and slept with him every night.

After he turned eleven, James’ life was less sweet. It was still sweet of course, as he was a young and determined boy with quite the opinion of himself. But now he was leaving his parents for the first real time in his life which scared him quite a bit. He only allowed himself to cry about it when he was tucked into his new bed in Gryffindor tower and the curtains were drawn to keep out the sound of sniffling. He knew it didn’t work though, as he could hear similar sniffles coming from the direction of the boy named Remus.

Hogwarts was as magical as he expected and soon his fears melted away. He still had classes to worry about but the professors liked him enough and he did rather well. Transfiguration was his favorite and not only because he got to sit next to Sirius. That was definitely the reason at first and McGonagall knew it despite James’ later protests.

The first time he brought out the invisibility cloak was when Sirius told them he found the entrance to the kitchens. The first time they pulled a prank was in the Great Hall during dinner when they put a dung bomb under the professors’ table. The first time James told that spunky little red head, Lily Evans, that she was cute was in the Gryffindor Common Room. Sirius and Peter had dared him to but that didn’t mean he didn’t kind of think it was true. Only kind of, of course.

It was James who discovered Remus’ secret in second year. Before telling anyone, he wrote his parents and asked them what he should do. He was too young to realize that telling parents there might be a werewolf at Hogwarts probably wasn’t the best idea. But it was the Potters so, of course, there was never anything to worry about anyway. His parents wrote him back, reminding him of the time they were in muggle London and someone crossed the street to avoid them because of their darker skin. They reminded him of what it felt like to be different and to be mistreated for something about yourself that you couldn’t change.

“If you’re right about this boy,” they said, “Treat him with the respect that you would want to be treated with. Remember how it feels to be shunned and _never_ do that to him.”

When the boys told Remus they knew his secret, James did exactly what his parents told him. He made sure that Remus knew he still had a place with them and he began researching werewolves with the hope that they could help. He and Peter were in the library on a quiet Saturday, Sirius was visiting Remus in the Hospital Wing after a full moon, when they realized the solution.

Remus told them they were insane to try to become animagi but James insisted that they could do it. And that they would do it for him. That was James Potter’s way, after all. He stubbornly went after what he wanted because he had never been taught that he couldn’t achieve what he set his mind to.

When he was in his third year, he was finally playing for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He was doing better and better in classes and thought that maybe this year he would out score Peter in Herbology. On his fourteenth birthday, his parents came to Hogsmeade and the three of them ate lunch at the Three Broomsticks. They gave him a snitch for his present.

“You know I’m a Chaser right?” he laughed.

“And you’re a keeper,” his mother teased.

“To think, I wonder who you get your antics from,” his father muttered. “This snitch is just for fun, James. It’ll keep your senses sharp, keep you alert.”

James thanked them and pocketed the snitch. He later let it loose in their dormitory and Lennon could often be seen trying to swat it out of the air. But James could also be seen with it following him around on nice days.

In fourth year he had his first kiss. It was with a girl named Anna and she was a year older than him and had strawberry blonde hair and the bluest eyes he had ever seen. He later said, “It just didn’t feel right.”

Of course Remus was quick to realize the reason was because of Lily but he kept his mouth shut. He wouldn’t reveal James’ secret, especially after what James was going through to help with his own furry little problem.

James, maybe without realizing it, started flirting with Lily. He left her her favorite flower on Valentine’s Day. He complimented her hair and told her that the freckles that were scattered across her nose reminded him of the stars. He worked with her on assignments and didn’t get impatient, instead he savored the time he had with her. And she seemed to savor the time she had with him too. At least, for a few moments they could go without bickering and actually learn things about each other. Little by little they eased into a friendship.

But early in fifth year, James successfully transformed into a stag for the first time. He was the first of the Marauders to do so and it quickly went to his head. He started mocking people more. His pranks become more harmful and first and second years actually started walking in the opposite direction whenever they saw him. He had lost himself in his ego but Remus, too grateful for his company during the full moons, didn’t say anything. And Sirius and Peter, too focused on making their own transformations, didn’t notice.

Lily did notice and she hated it. Hated what the sweet boy he had been the previous year had turned into and didn’t even understand why. It was the worst day for both of them when they had their confrontation with Snape. James’ heart broke a little bit when Lily told him she’d wouldn’t go out with him even if it were between him and the Giant Squid. Later that night Remus sat him down and told him what an arse he had been that year and James realized he had deserved it.

That summer he answered the pounding on his door to find Sirius standing in the pouring rain. His friend was battered and seething and swearing that he was never going back. James let him inside and immediately owled Remus and Peter to let them know what happened. The four of them sat in the lounge that night, cradling cups of hot cocoa and listening to the rain. None of them really said anything and they could hear Fleamont and Euphemia whispering in the kitchen about what they were going to do. When his parents came back in and said that Sirius would stay with them from then on, James finally allowed himself to smile.

When school started that year, James saved Snape’s life. He knew Snape hated him for it, but he didn’t care. All James cared about was protected his friends. Remus would have been destroyed if James hadn’t stopped Snape. That was just something he couldn’t let happen.

By the time he turned seventeen, he had begun to rebuild his relationship with Lily. He didn’t expect much from her after how he had acted the year before. He only hoped that maybe they could have conversations again without her words being cold and angry. Slowly, they got there as James showed her how much he had matured.

He still pulled pranks but they were harmless again. He focused on Quidditch and led the team to The Cup. He tutored younger students and got top marks in transfiguration. He was finally himself again. Lily remembered how much she liked the real James Potter.

As seventh year began, the edges in James Potter’s life were becoming harder. His eyes were opened to real life as he watched a war brewing. He could feel that something bad was about to begin. Some days at Hogwarts the tension could be cut with a knife.

So he tried to bring as much normalcy to the students as he could. He was Quidditch Captain and Head Boy now. It was his duty to be a leader for them. To show them that they could make it through what was about to happen. To show them that if anything, they were stronger together.

Lily kissed him for the first time on a rainy Thursday. He had convinced her to go for a walk with him by the Great Lake.

“Potter, it’s going to rain today, we can’t go for a walk,” she had said.

“Oh come on Evans, I thought you’d want to see your beau the Giant Squid.” She swatted at him for that but he had expected it and quickly stepped out of her way. Sometimes she marveled out how well he knew her lately. Only sometimes, of course, she definitely didn’t spend hours thinking about him every day.

When it started to down pour less than thirty minutes later, Lily had started laughing. James thought she had gone mad and tried to drag her back toward the castle. But for some reason, and he’d never really figure out, Lily kissed him instead of saying “I told you so.”

From then on Lily made up the soft edges in his hard world. He loved the way her red hair splayed across his pillow. The way her smile was slightly crooked. The way she could pick up things with her toes. The way she always did better than him on Charms assignments. The way she held her wand with such precision. The way she laughed at his puns and sometimes snorted her laughter through her nose. The way her lips would softly brush against his own before she’d deepen a kiss. James loved everything about her.

On his eighteenth birthday, James brought Remus, Sirius, Peter and Lily to a meeting for the Order of the Phoenix. Gideon Prewett had been the one to tip him off and he felt that they all should go. He had been itching all year to make a difference and they all agreed that this was the best way to do so.

Later that week McGonagall called him to her office.

“I have three letters here, all from Quidditch coaches inquiring about your plans for after graduation,” she said.

“You know what my plans for after graduation are,” James said. He stared intently at her but no one could match Minerva McGonagall’s gaze not even daring James Potter. He looked away first.

“Very well, James,” she sighed. “I admire your determination, I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

The first mission he went on after graduating was with Alice Longbottom and Peter. Their job was to snoop around a rumored Death Eater hideout and then leave. In and out. Except they were spotted and found themselves in a duel that almost cost Alice her life. That was when they all realized how real this war was going to be. And also when he realized he wanted to marry Lily.

He didn’t ask her for another month. Finally, he did it on a hot day in the end of June. Lily was irritable because she had been out late on a mission. He was irritable because it was so humid in their tiny flat that he couldn’t cook anything for dinner because the heat from the oven would make it ten times worse. They were both irritable because it had been a two weeks since they had had sex and they missed the long quiet nights they used to spend together. Now there wasn’t a night where one of them was out on a mission and getting home in the early hours of the morning and collapsing into bed without a word. It was putting a distance between them that James couldn’t stand and he wanted her to know that despite everything he still wanted to be with her forever.

That night they ate cereal because it required the least effort and sat on the window seat with the window wide open and their legs dangling over the ledge. Lily told him about the previous night and he pressed his leg against hers even though he was hot enough already he needed the contact. After she finished, he asked her to marry him. Just like that.

She said yes, of course, because even though they hadn’t been together for long, being with him felt more right than anything ever had.

They married in his parents’ garden in early August. Sirius was his best man. Peter and Remus understood why he didn’t choose them but he still felt a twinge guilty. Sirius didn’t though. He continued to gloat for weeks after the wedding until Peter eventually punched him.

Lily wore flowers in her hair and James didn’t wear shoes. His father married them and laughter could be heard throughout the night. Even McGonagall eventually kicked off her shoes and danced with James. She whispered to him that she was proud of the man he was becoming. Marlene gave a toast that involved embarrassing Lily as much as possible. James found Remus snogging Sirius against a tree and had a good laugh when the two of them blushed like idiots. Like they thought no one had known. More wine was brought out and there was an endless supply of cake. Enchanted lanterns floated around the garden and an arrangement of muggle music played throughout the night with no song repeated twice. No one went to bed until well after midnight.

“Night, Potter,” Lily murmured that night when they curled up in his childhood bed because they were both too drunk to apparate to their flat.

“Night, Potter,” he replied. And both of them smiled so brightly it nearly lit up the room.

By the time James turned nineteen the war had ripped almost all the soft edges out of his world. His parents were dead. They died of dragon pox, but James was convinced that their old age and the stress of the war was what had made them susceptible. He missed his father’s cooking and his mother’s jokes. The way they smiled at each other when they thought he wasn’t looking. The way they had treated his friends. The way they introduced Lily as their daughter.

And friends were disappearing left and right. Sometimes, there was just an empty void left behind with no explanation. Sometimes, they knew when they died. Like when James was fighting Death Eaters, back to back with Caroline Fitch and suddenly she just wasn’t there anymore. He had to step over her body to continue fighting because that was what they did. They continued fighting. The thought of her lying there had made him sick but at least he was able to grab her body when he realized the fight was hopeless and apparate away with her. Her parents had appreciated that.

Lily suggested that they have weekly pot luck dinners at their flat. Marlene, Dorcas, Sirius, Remus and Peter would all come when they could and bring good food and occasionally games. James knew that it was the one thing keeping them all sane during that time. If they didn’t have each other what did they have?

Late at night, James would lie in bed, connecting the freckles on Lily’s back and burying his face in her hair. She would murmur sweet things to him like how she first felt attracted to him when she saw him on a broom. Or that she liked his cooking best when it was something his mother had taught him to make. Or that his eyes were the most beautiful hazel she had ever seen.

They continued that way. They fought the war and tried their best to stay sane. James was still himself. Always moving, always cooking, always telling jokes and rolling his sleeves up to his elbows. He laughed during duels as he and Sirius would dance around each other, casting spells that fed off the other, working perfectly together. He pulled on Lily’s hair when he wanted attention. He always stayed late at headquarters to have coffee with Peter whenever his friend was about to go on a mission alone. He made sure that he was at every full moon for Remus even if Sirius and Peter couldn’t be.

The New Year’s Day before he turned twenty, Lily told him she was pregnant. James would later say that he was overjoyed from the start but Lily saw the way fear flooded his eyes when she told him. The way panic took hold of him and he started pacing around their tiny flat, not quite sure what to do. She wasn’t mad at him for it. She had reacted the same way when she found out.

After sharing a pint of chocolate ice cream, they realized that this might be a good thing. They could have a family. A little baby to bring light and joy into their now dark, hard world.

Shortly after, they went into hiding. The first night they spent in Godric’s Hollow, Lily cried for hours. James held her, wrapping his lanky limbs around her and stroking her hair as he whispered that they would be okay. Inside he was exploding with energy. Mostly, he was angry and he wished there was something he could do to change what was happening to them. But he trusted Dumbledore, and the Order, and their friends. Lily and their child would be safe if they stayed hidden, which was what mattered to him.

With no outlet for his constant energy, James decorated the nursery for Lily. He painted flowers and rabbits on the walls and Lily laughed at his complete lack of creative talent. He put the baby furniture together the muggle way. He hung curtains and set up a little record player in the corner. He did everything he could to make this house a home for his family.

Harry was born in the morning, before the sun rose. But that didn’t matter to James as his world now revolved around a new sun, his son. A chubby baby boy with a tuft of messy black hair just like his own.

Their friends came to visit as often as they could to see them and Harry. Finally James’ life was full of soft edges again. Like the curve of his son’s cheek, the smoothness of his skin, and his fluttering eyelids when he was tired. He and Lily spent their days with Harry, completely enamored and happy that they had brought this beautiful little boy into the world.

Sirius and Marlene were late to James’ twenty-first birthday party. They all ate cake silently, wondering what was taking them so long and beginning to fear the worst. They had already lost Dorcas, Fabian and Gideon earlier that year. They couldn’t stand to lose any one else. Finally, Sirius arrived. Alone.

“Sirius,” Lily said as she slowly rose from her seat, fear written across her face. “Where’s Marlene?”

“Maybe you should put Harry down first, Lils,” Sirius whispered. Lily let out a strangled sob and James was on his feet in seconds. He wrapped his arms around her, Harry squished in between them, and held onto his wife as she began to cry. In the back ground he could vaguely hear Sirius tell the others about Marlene being late meeting him. When he had gone to her house to see what was keeping her, it was too late. The entire McKinnon family was gone.

After Marlene, Lily withdrew into herself. James tried everything to keep her sane but it was nearly impossible. Not long after, when Dumbledore told them they had to implement the Fidelius Charm and choose a Secret Keeper, Lily lost it. She jumped out of her seat at their table, knocking the chair to the floor as she did so.

“What’s the point!?” she exclaimed. “Let the bastard come! I have a score to settle with him! He’ll regret the day he ever started this bloody war, no let me go Remus I’m not finished!”

They had to drag her out of the room to keep her from making a scene in front of Harry, who had been playing with blocks on the floor. It was decided that Peter would be their Secret Keeper. It had been Sirius’ idea. Sirius was quite the master of deception, James had to admit. Voldemort would never suspect Peter.

As Harry’s first birthday grew nearer, Lily started to be herself again. James was glad. They were all each other had now that they were confined to this horribly small house with no guests. He had missed her laughter and the way she made everything positive. Even though he knew she still mourned their friends, it was good to see her trying to make the most of where they were for Harry’s sake.

As the months continued, they tried their best to give their son a normal life. They played with him in the garden. They spoiled him with new toys. They read him picture books and gave him bubble baths. They let him ride the little broom Sirius had sent even though poor old Lennon hated the thing. They dressed him in silly outfits on different holidays. They took countless pictures of him whenever he did something cute.

And even though being confined to that house was driving James crazy. Even though all he wanted was to get outside and back into the fighting, he still loved every moment he had with Lily and Harry. Their laughter woke him up in the morning. Their smiles were the last thing he saw before he went to sleep. Despite the circumstances, it was a pretty wonderful life.

The last time James kissed Lily was on a cold windy night in October. He handed Harry to her and kissed her gently, slowly, the way he knew she liked. Then he ruffled his son’s hair like his mother used to do to him. Throughout all of this, he always hoped that Harry would remember a childhood filled with soft edges, just as his had been. He watched Lily carry Harry to bed and felt that familiar feeling of love and warmth that always nestled in his chest when he thought of his little family.

He didn’t know that that would be the last time he saw them. He didn’t know as he set his wand down that it would be the last time he ever held it. But moments later, when Voldemort arrived and he jumped up to face him one last time, he did know that “Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!” would be the last thing he’d ever say. And he was okay with it, really.

James had no regrets as he stood, wandless, between his family and Voldemort. His life lately had been a mixture of hard and soft edges. The war had taken friends and family and shown him horrors he never thought he’d see in his lifetime. But sprinkled in between were the little moments. Those were the good ones. The times when the morning light came through their window and turned Lily’s hair a thousand shades of red. The times when the Marauders would chat with them through the two-way mirror. The times when Harry called him “da” and would try to wear his glasses.

These were the moments the twenty-one year old thought of as he defiantly raised his chin and stared down the end of Voldemort’s wand. Barely a man, but already braver than many would ever be, James Potter faced his enemy.

And died.


End file.
